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Fibromyalgia Is Slowly Killing My Life. What do we have left?

Fibromyalgia is slowly killing me. It takes parts of me, my strength, my pride and my soul. 

The diagnosis of fibromyalgia is the death sentence, for what was once a normal life. I have lived with this for seven years, and I still have not finished what I had in mind, I should, right now, be preparing to study a year abroad. You should be fluent in another language.

I should have a hangover every Sunday after spending a night out with friends. Instead, I lie in bed, all day, every day. Or I stay on the couch. I go to someone else’s house and lie on their bed or on their couch. Fibromyalgia is an arch enemy, jealous.

He is always there trying to defeat me. It’s like the villain in an old silent movie. Instead of the audience knowing that the villain is there and the protagonist is unaware, in this case, only I can see it and my audience is blind.

It is as if my physical and emotional strength is made up of little chips. Each setback takes one away from me. I don’t know how long it will be until everything in me falls apart.

Fibromyalgia has taken away my foundation, the foundation that I built over twenty years ago, living my life. I feel like a  game of Jenga , every time fibromyalgia hits  me I get one step closer to falling to the ground.  Maybe I’ve already crashed and hit. Maybe I’m in the background.
If I didn’t know what this condition looks like, I’d say it’s probably there. This is as low as I think it could be. I could experience the worst pain I have ever had, and my fibromyalgia treats it as a challenge because I know it will be worse next time. Some breakouts are better than others, but they test my physical and emotional strength, more than I could have previously imagined. Fibromyalgia is not an imaginary excuse.

I would never have chosen this life for myself, and if I had the option to get rid of the demon that sustains me, I would do so without hesitation. This is my life. This is real. This is me, is and will be with me at every moment of the day, for the rest of my life. The devil whispered in my ear yesterday “You are not strong enough to withstand the storm” Today I whispered in the devil’s ear “I am the storm” I am a fibromyalgia warrior.

Jessica stredd pudicombe  Also, there are nights like this when I feel lost. Lost in emotion, in thoughts, in pain and in what is to come. We fully understand the ups and downs of our emotions, happy one minute, then angry, then sad, then nervous, then etc., etc. It’s a roller coaster of ups and downs. Add in other chronic diseases and it’s hell!

Man, woman, the burden of chronic disease brings our world down. Sometimes we feel like things are under control. We have come to terms with our reality, we know that things will never be what they were, and we adapt and learn to live with what our life has become. But sometimes the reality of what lies ahead breaks through and overtakes our life. We know that our life as we knew it will never be the same. The life we ​​once enjoyed has been destroyed by this evil force that dictates what we do, and what we cannot do. There are good days and bad days, highs, lows, highs and lows.

We used to look and plan for the future, or live in the present with those we love. Now, what does it consist of? In nothing! The plans we made with friends, well, maybe it’s another time. The party with our family, well, go and say my regards. Making plans is like any game at the fair, it is unpredictable. We want more than anything to be part of all the plans that have been made, but we cannot guarantee anything, we really want to be part of what our families do, we want to be able to make plans and follow them. We want to work, we want to get out, we want to be part of the world we were once involved in. Sometimes we have to say no, step back, and respect what our bodies tell us.

We can say, no, not today. Other times we will say yes, we will continue with the plans, we try to be a part of life, for once, we can at least pretend and say it was fun, it was great to go out. But tomorrow passes. Our bodies say what were you thinking ?! The life we ​​once knew is so different from what we thought it would be. We really strive to maintain some semblance of what we think things might be.

But nobody, nobody is prepared for this life that we are living. We will continue to try to keep the plans we have made, but please don’t be angry or judge us if they change. We struggle to maintain a “normal” life, which has been taken from us. What we have left? From now on, all we can do is be positive, humble, and most of all, be patient with ourselves.

Take time for us, take time to cry with us, take time to reflect, take time to learn with us, what is our new normal. And most of all, take a minute to focus on ourselves, what works for us, and what makes us happy. Learn to live this new existence, learn to appreciate what we can still live and love each day. Take it one day at a time, live day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute.                                                                                                                                      Embrace what you have and learn to live and love life however you can!

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