Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an emotionally exhausting mental illness that can affect anyone — though it often due to an unstable or abusive upbringing. It is something that affects me and my daily life. Living with BPD can be a struggle every day and sometimes you will feel like one one understands. So I wanted to talk about six things only people with BPD will understand in hopes that you will not feel alone and that someone out there can relate.
1. You bought something you didn’t need and feel remorse afterwards.
I really didn’t need those $80 pair of shoes. I got three pairs and home and if I did want another pair, I could have bought the cheaper one for $40. But these were cute…
2. When someone is late, you think they don’t want to be with you.
My thoughts: It’s 12:10. They said they would be here at 12 p.m. Why aren’t they here yet? Did they decide not to show? Are they abandoning me? They don’t like me anymore. It’s all my fault. Time to shut them out before they can hurt me anymore.
I do this a lot with my boyfriend. I could not hear from him for 10 minutes when we were suppose to meet up and my mind could be telling me he probably is making up excuses because he doesn’t want to see me or be with me anymore or he’s cheating on me. I know deep down it’s not true, though a friend could have forgotten to text back and I need to cut them off quick before they hurt me.
3. You need constant reassurance.
Because you didn’t believe them the first three times they said it, you gotta ask another three to be sure.
4. I hate you. Please don’t leave me.
These seven words sum up every relationship I’ve ever had — whether it was romantic or not.
5. Your boss wants to talk to your in their office. Think of all the bad things you could have done, quick!
Your palms get sweaty your heart beats faster and you’re always thinking of the worst case scenario. Because it can never be good if your boss wants to talk to you.
6. You’re either too emotional or not emotional enough.
It’s either I’m too selfish and don’t care about anyone or I care too much and read into things too much.