To my husband,
I’m watching you sleep right now. You seem to be at peace, having nice dreams and there’s even a smile on your face. You look five years younger than you normally do!
But I know when you wake up, there will be stress in your eyes. You’ll be worried about me, like you’ve been every morning for the last 11 years. And you’ll smile like nothing is wrong, but you’re a rotten liar.
I know we’ve been through hell and back. I know we will probably revisit hell in the future. You’ve stood next to me the entire time, and I know you’ll continue to be by my side. I see your pain from not being able to take all of this pain off my shoulders. I see you suppressing your own pain so that you can focus on me.
How do you say thank you? You’re my lighthouse, my one constant in the storm that is my life. I could wax poetic until my fingers bleed, but the simple truth is, I love you enough to withstand any amount of pain for you. Maybe it’s the same for you, with your constant concern for my well-being.
What I can tell you is; I will never leave your side. I’m never going anywhere. And your love, acceptance and support is what has given me that strength.
You’re stuck with me I guess,
A grateful wife with BPD