For me personally, one of the most challenging aspects of having borderline personality disorder (BPD) is having a “favorite person.” When I was first diagnosed, I searched all over the internet for information about my disorder because I had no idea what it was. One aspect of my disorder not many people spoke about, but I related to most, was the idea of having a “favorite person,” or FP for short.
The easiest way for me to describe how having an FP works is this: I’m like a dog who destroys the house when she’s left at home, but then acts really happy when the owner comes home and pretends nothing happened.
FP: (talks to me all night)
Me: They love me.
FP: (doesn’t text me back in the morning)
Me: They hate me, this was all a game. I am a fool to think they ever loved me.
It is well known that people with BPD struggle with abandonment, and having an FP makes that struggle even worse. An FP is someone you absolutely adore, whether it be a friend or a partner, but the problem is you give that person the responsibility of your happiness. My first ever FP was my now ex-boyfriend. Our relationship was a struggle because without him by my side I couldn’t be happy. When he would leave, I’d be incredibly upset, which even sometimes turned into anger. I only understood he had become my FP after we broke up, and when I look back, I think if I had the knowledge and understanding I do now we would have worked better. When your partner is your FP, it can make your relationship incredibly difficult. You constantly need reassurance and validation from your FP, but sometimes asking for too much assurance comes across like you doubt them or don’t trust them, and that can lead to so many problems.