Imagine being in constant fear of the possibility of something bad happening.
Imagine being unable to leave your house by yourself because you’re convinced you’ll have a panic attack and can’t manage it on your own.
Imagine having a panic attack at school or work, unable to do anything but sit and wait for the storm to pass because if you start reacting to it, everyone will think you’re being disruptive.
Imagine feeling like you’re having a heart attack, and you can’t breathe, but you’re trying your absolute best to ignore it for the sake of everyone around you.
Imaging constantly trying to make yourself appealing to others so they’ll like you.
Imagine thinking everyone secretly hates you and then having an uncontrollable need to prove your worth because for some reason, you care what people think.
Now imagine depression.
Imagine lacking the motivation needed to even get out of bed in the morning.
Imagine finding yourself questioning your self-worth as soon as you do get out of bed.
Imagine trying to talk to someone about it but only getting reactions like, “Oh yeah, I get sad sometimes too” or “Be grateful for everything you have! There are thousands of people who have it worse off than you!”
Imagine believing them.
Imagine thinking they’re right, and that you’re just overreacting, and that this horrible feeling you’re experiencing doesn’t matter.
Imagine thinking you don’t matter.
Now imagine experiencing both at the same time.
Imagine not having any motivation to get up in the morning but all the while worrying about being late for that day.
Imagine wanting to make yourself perfect for everyone but then thinking there’s no point and just cancelling any plans you had that day.
Imagine having one half that cares too much and another that doesn’t care enough.
Imagine constantly trying to figure out what to do with yourself.
One voice is screaming at you: “Do something! You have to! Everyone will hate you if you don’t do it!” And another one groaning and complaining: “Don’t bother. It’s not like anyone will notice if you do it or not. You should just leave and go back home. No one expects anything at home.”
Imagine having this war going on in your head.
Always at the back of your mind.
Two sides fighting for control over you.
But neither of them will ever win or lose.